“An Israeli rabbi has composed a prayer to help devout Jews overcome guilt after visiting porn web sites while browsing the Internet. ‘Please God, help me cleanse the computer of viruses and evil photographs which disturb and ruin my work…, so that I shall be able to cleanse myself (of sin),’ reads the benediction by Shlomo Eliahu, chief rabbi in the northern town of Safed. Eliahu, quoted by Israel’s largest daily newspaper Yedioth Ahronoth, said he had responded to a deluge of queries from Orthodox Jews worried that the lure of Internet sex sites was putting family relationships at risk. The rabbi recommends that Jews recite the prayer when they log on to the Internet or even program it to flash up on their computer screens so they are spiritually covered whether they enter a porn site intentionally or by mistake.” — Yahoo (US)

(Thanks to Marcial for the link.)

Hallelujah! Amen! Selah! No doubt many of you have felt sullied after visiting PervScan and reading the frequently repellent stories to be found here. No doubt you have longed for absolution, salvation, redemption, a way to cleanse yourself of the smut that smacks you in the eyes and the filth that fucks with your brain. So once you’ve stopped by PervScan to read such loathsome tales as the German cannibal, the brothers who pissed on their mother and then raped her, or the teenager who tried to run down a jogger so he could have sex with her corpse, now you know what do to — just say “Please God, help me cleanse the computer of viruses and evil photographs which disturb and ruin my work..”

Of course, if God can cleanse your computer of viruses and porn, He ought to be able to prevent you from downloading them in the first place. Apparently God isn’t really omnipotent. He’s just a kind of glorified firewall.

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