Tastes Like Chicken
“A man accused of murder bragged about cutting off his victim’s penis and leg, then cooking and eating them… the pair had been drinking heavily at Loader’s campsite at Mandorah before the alleged murder. Loader later told police he ‘blanked out’ and found Mr Martin lying face up in a large fire near his camp when he ‘woke up’. He did not think Mr Martin was clothed and saw his knee ’sticking out’ of the fire. ‘I kind of woke up, it was dark — I didn’t know what time it was,’ Loader told police. ‘I seen George on the fire (and) I got freaked out. I just had to get out of the camp, I couldn’t stay…’ Loader later allegedly boasted about the murder to prisoners while he was in Darwin remand prison, the court was told. Prisoner Daymon Hannila told the court he thought Loader was joking when he described how he killed his victim. ‘(He said) that he hit the person on the head with a rock, cut off his leg, put it in the fire and cooked it,’ Hannila said via video link-up from Townsville prison. ‘(Then he) cut off his penis, put it in the fire and cooked it and it tasted like chicken.’” — Sydney Herald Sun (Australia)
(Thanks to alanr for the link.)
When you read a story like this, you can’t help but wonder: “Hm, does it really taste like chicken?” You look down at your penis, if you happen to have one, or if you don’t then you imagine a penis you’ve seen, and there doesn’t seem to be anything particularly poultry-like about it. It certainly doesn’t have wings or a beak. It doesn’t lay eggs or feed on corn. Why would it taste like chicken? Human muscle looks pretty raw when the skin is torn off it, so you imagine it would taste more like some kind of red meat.
Still, you don’t have much choice but to believe a guy who’s been there and done that. If a cannibal says the human penis tastes like chicken, it must taste like chicken… But then you wonder how chickens would feel to know that they taste like dick. It must be pretty insulting. You can imagine chickens trading barbs in the barnyard. “Cluck cluck cluck” is what you hear, but really they’re saying, “Motherfucker, you stink like that old farmer’s nut sack. Shit…”
I’ve been assured by a mortician that human meat most closely resembles pork. And then there’s the colorful moniker ‘long pig’. There’s some poetic justice in the assertion that humans taste like what many religions regard as a ‘filthy animal’. And of course women would be all that much more correct when exclaiming that ‘men are pigs’. Perhaps we are truly descended from swine, and not from apes. On occasion, the resemblance is equally uncanny - and it would certainly explain a few things. Perhaps we just haven’t found that half-man, half-pig missing link…some creature that looks like a denizen of the Island of Doctor Moreau.
However, the persistence of first hand accounts that we ‘taste like chicken’ just rain on my mysanthropic little parade. Can we call in an expert? I don’t trust the palettes of these wackos, psychos and drunks that seem to end up munching on menfolk. Seems like these are the kind of people that think *everything* tastes like chicken. Will the Lecter with a little style please stand up? Surely we can call in a professional gourmand to settle the question. A pay-per-view event starrig Julia Childs? A special Halloween edition of Iron Chef on the Food Network where the worlds leading culinary minds battle it out over a fresh corspe (surely this is scientific research!)and are judged by the world’s leading food critics? Now that’s must-see TV.
I doubt the penis would actually resemble any meat, as it’s mostly made of blood. Not much bone or muscle down there.
O yeah? My SO tells me it tastes like snake. Of course she eats it raw, reeel raw.
(mercy)
Man, that is one perverted sicko psycho. Cutting a guy’s Penis off, then eating it cooked. Ughhh.
Delicious!
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